


Burn My Heart

by mariette



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Pain, Panic Attack, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, TW: Blood, kind of drunk bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: Pining over your best friend only ends in heartbreak. Or in Steve's case, breaking a mirror. TW: Blood. Lost of angst and sad feels but a happy ending!





	Burn My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this because I saw [this](http://gavinoachieve.tumblr.com/post/172734590237/orangemeta-i-think-the-best-thing-about-this-is) tumblr post and it broke my heart. Cry with me. Enjoy!

Pining over someone is not something Bucky Barnes did. Whenever he wanted something or someone he went out and he got it. No consequences, no difficulties. However, for his best friend it was a completely different story.

For years Steve pined over Bucky. It wasn’t really something he noticed himself doing either it just kind of… happened. It only got worse once Bucky officially moved in. In the middle of the night he’d come home drunk off his ass with a girl in tow.

“Sorry Stevie,” he’d say. “Man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. You understand.”

He didn’t understand. He never did. How was it that Bucky could be so clueless to Steve’s attempts at affection toward him? Half the nights Bucky had to curl up next to him to keep him warm he wasn’t actually cold. He craved Bucky’s attention, especially after his mother died. So when his best friend would bring a girl home it stabbed at his heart.

It’s not like he didn’t make it obvious that he was unhappy with the situation. But anytime it happened Bucky was so piss ass drunk it didn’t matter if Steve stared him in the face and said, “I don’t want you to do this! Because I love you, you fucking moron”.

Steve wasn’t that type of person, though. And when those nights happened he’d pick himself up and go into the bathroom locking the door behind him. He’d leave the house altogether if it wasn’t too cold for him, surely that would give Bucky the idea but even still, he didn’t think it would.

He stood at the sink, hand on either side of the basin. He looked up at the mirror and saw his red, swollen eyes. He thought to himself that this could not be his life. No way could he be this distraught over his best friend just being himself. For fucks sake, Bucky’s been this way for as long as he could remember so why couldn’t Steve let it go?

“Because you love him,” he thought to himself. “You love Bucky and you always have. He’s been there for you when no one else was. He understands you in ways no one else does. He supports you when you pick fights with the neighborhood bullies. He takes care of you when you’re hurt or when you’re too sick to do it yourself. He moved in when your mother died so you wouldn’t have to be on your own. Because he knew if you were you’d die or get yourself killed. Bucky Barnes is the most important person in your life and if he asked, you’d be his.”

Steve was crying now. A sobbing, snotty mess. His heart began to beat in his ears and the room started to spin around him. He couldn’t control his anger. He looked up at the mirror and saw his face. Angry, sad, lost, hurt, disappointed… broken. His hand picked itself up from the counter and swung into the mirror. It vibrated and cracked around his fist. The entire pane of glass shattered completely and crumbled to the floor around him. He went down with it.

“Steve?” he heard Bucky yell from the living room.

His mind was too lost to really comprehend that Bucky was talking to him. He screamed. He wasn’t sure if it was from the pain in his hand or the pain in his heart. He thought it was probably both. The bathroom door swung open and Bucky gasped.

“Stevie? Steve! What happened?” Bucky asked.

Steve couldn’t hear him. He was too lost in the bubbling sobs coming out of him. Bucky didn’t love him the way Steve needed him to. He never would.

“Oh no! Bucky is he going to be okay? Bucky?” the dame behind him began to speak. Bucky ignored her.

“Do I need to get something for him? What should I do?” she asked.

“Just leave,” he said.

“What?” she asked.

“I said leave! Get out of here!” Bucky yelled.

Steve could feel Bucky’s strong arms pick him up. He wasn’t sure what happened to the girl after that. He was sure she left the way Bucky screamed no one else beside Steve would want to stick around. Bucky walked him over to the living room and placed him on the couch. Steve’s vision was blurred and the only thing he could see through his tear soaked eyes was Bucky’s silhouette knelt down in front of him. He could feel Bucky’s strong hand holding onto Steve’s. This wasn’t the first time Bucky needed to patch up a bloody Steve and surely it wouldn’t be the last.

“Stevie. What were you doing?” Bucky asked.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Steve said. The tears were finally falling from his eyes and he could see Bucky’s face again. His eyes were also watering and his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“What do you mean? Care if you shattered our mirror and your hand in the process? Course I would,” Bucky said.

He pushed some hair out of Steve’s eyes and held his hand at the side of his face. He got up from the floor and went to the bathroom. Steve could hear the crunch of the glass under Bucky’s shoes. He looked down at the blood pooling around his hand and was shocked to see how much damage he’d done to himself. His entire knuckle was gashed open. Surely he’d need stitches.

Bucky came back with the giant first aid kit Steve’s mom had left behind. In it was gauze and stitches. Two things Sarah ended up teaching Bucky how to use. They both knew they’d get themselves in enough trouble even after she was gone that the practice would be needed. While Bucky pulled out the contents of the kit he needed he began to pry Steve over what was actually going on.

“So why’d you break the mirror?” Bucky asked.

“I was upset,” Steve replied. He didn’t want to be short with Bucky but he wasn’t about to tell him the real reason.

“Yeah. I can see that. Why were you so upset?” he asked.

Bucky pulled out the thread he needed and started to put it through the needle. He looked up at Steve’s face past the needle and saw the younger man hang his head down. He’d give him the time he needed to.

“Why do you have to bring so many girls home?” Steve asked.

“I’m sorry. Do we keep you up? Do you want me to stop?” Bucky asked.

“No it doesn’t keep me up. Well, it does but I don’t want to ask you to stop,” Steve said.

Bucky grabbed his hand and carefully laid it on his knee to get a better angle at placing the stitches right.

“Steve, if it’s going to keep you from breaking our mirrors and yourself I’ll stop,” Bucky said. Steve sighed and began to get upset with himself. He shouldn’t be having this conversation with Bucky. It was too selfish. His body started to shake. He was working himself up again.

“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, Stevie. What’s going on, huh? No secrets. Tell me please,” Bucky said softly. He put his other hand on Steve’s knee to keep it from bouncing. Steve took a staggered breath and looked up at Bucky. His soft eyes pleading with him to give him something, anything to help him.

“I love you,” Steve said.

“I love you too,” Bucky said. He smiled up at Steve and looked down to keep working on his hand. He didn’t understand what Steve was trying to say.

“No, Buck. I love you. Like a way you would love a dame. I didn’t mean for it to happen and sometimes I wish I didn’t but… it won’t go away. The feeling I get when I’m around you and the pain I feel when I’m not or someone else is,” Steve said. He hung his head down again. He didn’t want to see the rejection, the disgust in his best friends face. The pain he was feeling was enough. He couldn’t deal with that too. He should have just shut his stupid fucking mouth when he had the chance.

Bucky was silent. He kept working at Steve’s hand. The silence stretched on for so long it made Steve wonder if Bucky was going to ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen. When he finally got the nerve to look up Bucky had a shit eating grin on his face.

“Why are you smiling?” Steve asked.

“What? A fella can’t be happy that the person he loves, loves him back?” he asked.

Steve thought he was dreaming.

“You… what?” he asked.

Bucky kept working happily at his hand.

“Yeah well. I’m too much of a baby to ever say it but I didn’t think the way this was going to go down was you destroying our mirror. I was acting this way because I didn’t know how else to get the attention I craved. The attention I wanted from you, Stevie. I love you too,” he said.

Steve blinked in response. He had to be dreaming. This wasn’t happening to him. No way was he this lucky of a person. But Bucky spoke again proving to him that, no, he wasn’t dreaming.

“If you’d just ask, I’d be yours.”


End file.
